Hope
by LAIsobel
Summary: Set after 3x07. Probably not what you expect but my mind took me down this road. Andy and Sullivan ship with Pruitt and other characters put into play, as usual. One chapter, for now, might be multichapter if you think it's worth it. I just couldn't let them cry and bleed with the door separating them, could you? Sully needs a hug and Andy needs to know the truth.
1. Pruitt and Andy

_I know you all have been waiting for me to write a story set after 3x07 and trust me, me too. Sorry it took so long, I had some health issues and had to be taken to hospital. The only bright side was the super cute super kind rescuer that came in the Ambulance to save me and my damn back. I bet Shonda met him and wrote Travis to match this guy!_

* * *

It was a hell of a day and Pruitt Herrera felt like crap. Thinking back to everything that happened during that one shift, he couldn't breathe. He was waiting for Ben in their new PRT aid car in front of the hospital. He thought he would go inside but found out he couldn't. So he let his two colleagues go and waited in the car.

He had his hand inside Rigo Vasquez. He was a good kid. He knew him for years. He knew his father. And now he had to remember how it felt holding his bleeding vein in his hand. He saw his intestines coming out of his belly. Damn.

He also had the unique privilege to watch Warren do his job. And he was damn good at it. He was the first one to give him hard time about becoming a firefighter but right now he was glad he gave him the shot. He was glad Sullivan gave him the shot. And he was even glad that his attempt at getting job at Medic One failed. Those guys can only watch and be jealous now. He was proud of him, knowing his road wasn't easy. He was a good man and he saved Rigo's life today.

Pruitt heard the rumors about Gibson and Rigo's wife and couldn't believe it. Gibson? That kid wasn't one of those to break the code. Pruitt knew what happened to him, he knew why he wanted to be a firefighter, he knew. So it didn't make any sense. He didn't seem like he was going down the slippery slope after he got better after his PTSD. He was okay. He knew he was. Was it the promotion? Or Bishop dumping him? Why would those two even start dating anyway? Why did people had to date other people from the same station? Those regulations were placed for a reason.

When Ben came back and they drove back to 19, Pruitt knew he wanted and needed to talk to his daughter. She was mad and worried and he didn't help the matters at all. And he owed her an apology and explanation. And he should do it before she would tell Sullivan something she'd regret later. She needed to know that she was his first choice for the promotion. He had to tell her and knew Sullivan wouldn't. He was going through something personal, Pruitt could tell. He was good at reading people after all those years. It was part of the job.

When they came back to the station the atmosphere there was charged and heavy. They met Vic and she told them about what happened, how Andy confronted Bishop and Bishop finally put her foot down and tried to be a Captain as she should. Vic told them about Gibson and his guilt eating him up.

"How are you, Sir?" Vic asked him then.

"I'm okay, Hughes, don't worry."

"Well, sorry, Sir but we'll all worry now." She said and Ben only gave him the I told you so look. Pruitt rolled his eye and Vic grinned at them. Something would never change.

"Is Andy still here?" Pruitt asked then.

"Yeah, she said she needed to lie down," Vic said and Pruitt nodded.

"Thanks. I'll go check up on her." He thanked her and left. He'd have to check the bunks but hopefully, she'll hear him out once he found her. He needed to talk to her and he wanted to see her.

When he was nearing the bunk he heard Sullivan's voice. He stopped dead in his tracks.

"_Andy, I'm in trouble. And I don't know who else to talk to about it."_ Sullivan said and Pruitt couldn't believe it. He would never expect him to say something like that, to admit it out loud. His daughter was silent and Sullivan continued.

_"But you are who I want to talk to because I'm in love with you. And I've been in love with you... feels like forever."_ Pruitt felt his heart stop. So he was right. He did love her. It wasn't a fling and it wasn't about taking advantage. The big tough untouchable Sullivan fell for his daughter and it messed him up.

Well he thought that being at 19 could help Sullivan to get back after all he's been put through but he honestly didn't think it would come to this. Especially when Ripley told him that Sullivan and Andy didn't get along well, he knew about the tension, he knew that his daughter was challenging him and that he was distancing himself from the team. Only after he got hurt and allowed them to help him, he was slowly becoming part of the team. Which he was now. They all knew it although nobody would say it out loud. But he knew the crew cared about him.

And judging by his choice to set up his new office at 19, he cared about them too. But this? Wow.

_"And I'm failing at it."_ Sullivan said and Pruitt wanted to leave and leave them, let them have the private moment, but he couldn't. He needed to know.

_"I'm failing at loving you. I'm failing at protecting you. I'm failing at being your boss. I'm failing at being your friend. I'm..."_ Sullivan stopped and took a deep breath. Pruitt's heart was beating madly in his chest. What had he done?

_"I'm sorry. And I... And I want to talk. Can we... talk?"_ Sullivan asked Andy and Pruitt waited for her reply anxiously. Please say yes and let the man talk, he thought. It had to be so hard for him to say all this, to admit all this. She had to, please…

_"I can't be angry at my dad, because he is dying. But you're perfectly healthy."_ Pruitt heard his daughter's reply and his heart broke for the younger man. He heard the door close and he waited not sure about what to do.

He looked and saw Sullivan leaning against the door, his forehead touching the hard surface. That man was hurting so much he could feel it from the distance. And so was his daughter. And he caused it. He caused so much pain and didn't even know it.

_"Andy? Andy… please."_ Sullivan said but there was no response. Pruitt felt so bad. He just stood there and watched him. Man, that loved his daughter so much that made decisions that made her hate him in return. Man, that came broken to the station and fixed the broken team and the team fixed him. Man, that had such a difficult past that it was a surprise he could fall in love again and admit it. Was he who would Pruitt chose for his child? No. But watching him, hearing him, trying to understand him, Pruitt had to admit that he was in a way the perfect choice and was no longer surprised his daughter fell for him too.

And he knew she did. That's why she was so angry at him, that's why it hurt her so much when he misunderstood their relationship. He actually believed it now, that they didn't sleep together. No, they fell in love right in front of his eyes and he was blind to see it. He was the one who suggested to Sullivan to talk to Andy and let her help him be part of the team. And he listened to him.

Thinking back to the Aid Car accident that still made his blood freeze he tried to put it all together in his head. And he had to admit that this was long coming. Only unexpected and very much complicated.

As he stood there and got lost in his thoughts, Sullivan turned around away from the door and saw him. All sorts of emotions came across his face and Pruitt felt like an intruder.

"Sir," Sullivan said and just stood there.

"Sullivan."

"I… Sorry." He told him and wanted to leave. He walked past Pruitt and left. Pruitt had to decide which talk was more important and it was a very difficult decision. He wanted to follow Sullivan but realized that if there was anyone Sullivan really needed, it was Andrea. So his choice was easy in the end.

He knocked on the door and waited. Nothing. He knocked again and when there was still no answer, he called his daughter.

"Andrea, it's me." He said and after a moment Andy opened. He could tell she was crying. He sighed.

"Dad… I…" She wanted to say something but he stopped her.

"Just let me in, sweetheart." He said and she stepped aside so he could come in.

Andy waited for him to comment on her tearful eyes and how tired she looked but he just smiled gently at her.

"There is something I need to tell you and I should have done it a long ago." He said.

"Dad." She wanted to stop him but he wouldn't hear about it.

"You asked me if Sullivan knew."

"I know he knew."

"Well, he didn't."

"What?" She didn't understand.

"After Ryan's funeral I came to Sullivan, I wanted to talk to him about the promotion."

"You didn't, dad."

"Oh, I did. I came here and asked him not to promote you."

"What are you talking about, dad?"

"He wanted you to have to job, Andy. He chose you. He said you earned it and that you should have it. He told me you would do great. He stood by you." Pruitt said and saw how Andy's face changed. How much this affected her. "I should have told you sooner."

She wanted him to stop but he couldn't. He had to tell her everything.

"Ryan knew I was going to die. That's why he came back to Seattle. Because I asked him to come back to be here for you. And when he died I knew you'd be all alone and that you would need time. I didn't want you to throw away your only chance at being Captain and Chief one day. And so I came to Sullivan and asked him not to give it to you, not now. He didn't know I was sick."

"So why did he… dad…"

"Because that man loves you and he decided to trust me when I told him now wasn't the right time," Pruitt said and watched his precious daughter blink away tears.

"He knew you would hate him. He knew you wouldn't forgive him. But he did it to protect you. He did it because he cares. And I am sorry I didn't see it sooner. I am sorry I didn't understand before." Pruitt said and risked it and took those two steps to his daughter and hugged her.

"I'm sorry, Andrea, I'm so sorry…" He said and in a minute she took a deep steadying breath and moved away.

"You had no right, dad."

"I know."

"And you should have told me."

"I know."

"He should have told me!" Andy was getting mad.

"He wouldn't do that."

"Dad," Andy warned him. Pruitt had one more thing to say so he said it. He told her about the money situation, he told her about the insurance and he told her about Dixon calling Sullivan and their talk.

"Sullivan should have put me in line but instead he was worried about me and about you. He asked me if I was sick again and that I should tell you. I dismissed him but he was right."

"So he knew," Andy commented.

"He guessed but long after promoting Bishop," Pruitt said. He gave his daughter time to think and then tried to give her a reassuring smile.

"I'm sorry, I really am. Please. Forgive me." He asked her and she couldn't even answer.

"You have no idea what it all caused, dad. And I'm not talking only about me and Robert." She said and Pruitt had to admit that it sounded weird to hear her say his given name. "Look what happened to Maya and Jack and this place is falling apart." She told him and he knew she was right.

"Bishop will handle herself and learn."

"It almost cost Rigo his life." Andy shot back. Pruitt was silent. Andy turned away from him and just looked outside the window. He came to her slowly to give her time to move away if she wanted to. She just stood there and felt him coming closer to her.

"Do you love him, Andrea?" He asked and she didn't answer. It was too much.

"If you do, then for what it's worth I hope you'll fix it between you two. He's a good man and he loves you and…" Pruitt stopped and didn't know how to finish the sentence. Andy's shoulders were shaking as she tried to control her emotions.

"I'm proud of you, mija. I love you. I just want to see you happy. And if it's with Sullivan then I'm okay with it." He said and kissing her temple, he left, closing the door behind him to give her time to pull herself together.

He had another apology to make. Walking downstairs to Captain's office, he found the curtains closed and the door locked. Bishop probably needed to be left alone after what happened. He would talk to her later then.

Looking up he knew he had to go and see Sullivan if only to apologize. He owed him that much for all the pain he caused him.

Walking to his office, the curtains were closed so he knocked and tried the door. He walked inside and found Sullivan sitting in the dark office, deep in thought. He looked so broken and beaten Pruitt felt even worse.

"Just let me talk, son." He said when Sullivan tried to say something. Sullivan nodded. Pruitt closed the door then.

"I am sorry, Robert. I am sorry for asking you to betray my daughter. I'm sorry for the pain it caused both of you."

"But you were right, Sir. She would blow it now especially with you being ill." Sullivan said.

"Maybe. But I should have never asked you to do that. I was wrong about you. And it was wrong to ask you not to promote her. You put Bishop's name for it and it's tearing this place into pieces. I was so wrong."

"Bishop will handle it, Sir. She's tough. She just needs help." Sullivan said.

"Yes, that's true. And what about you?"

"Me?"

"I heard you, Robert," Pruitt said matter-of-factly.

"Pruitt." Robert wanted to say something. Pruitt just gave him a sad smile.

"I told her everything. She knows now. Just give her time and don't give up on her." Pruitt said.

"I could never do that," Sullivan replied.

"Is it real for you?" Pruitt asked and Sullivan nodded.

"I know you don't agree, Sir. I didn't think I would… that we would… I mean…" He was trying to explain but didn't have the right words.

"You can't plan to fall in love with someone," Pruitt said softly. "It just happens. And you two are lucky because it's mutual. Find a way to be happy. And if you can, forgive me." Pruitt added and Sullivan didn't know what to say.

Pruitt just nodded and wanted to leave.

"I'm in trouble, Sir," Sullivan said. Pruitt turned back around.

"How much?"

"A lot. And I don't know how to fix it. And I can't do it alone." Sullivan admitted. "I don't have anyone to talk to and I'm scared."

Pruitt watched him in shock once more that day and didn't know what to say. He had to think about it first before giving Sullivan a reply that would matter something.

"You're not alone, not here and not when you have the crew standing behind you. You can talk to me if you want to and if not, there are people down there that do care. Just give them the chance." Pruitt tried to advise him.

Sullivan immediately thought about Ben Warren and his concern. He thought about Hughes and her silent support when they lost Ripley. He thought about Gibson and the way the guy tried to let him know about all the small secrets of the station. He thought about Travis and his easy way of talking to people including him. And he thought about Andy.

He needed her and he was ashamed. He screwed up.

"Thank you, sir," Sullivan said in the end. Pruitt just nodded.

"I never thanked you, Sir." He added.

"What for?"

"For calling Lucas and telling him to give me the job," Sullivan said and enjoyed the small surprised look on Pruitt's face.

"I didn't know he told you," Pruitt replied.

"Thank you," Sullivan said again and let Pruitt leave.

Pruitt closed the door behind him and felt absolutely drained. He just hoped he didn't destroy his daughter's happiness. If he had to go and leave her, he needed to know she wouldn't be alone. He tried to repair at least some of the damage he caused. And he hoped those two would find a way. He needed her as much as she needed him. Of course, he was trying to figure out what was wrong with Sullivan but he had no idea.

Before he left he wanted to check upon Warren in the fancy new aid car. They went over the supplies together and got disturbed when Sullivan came and knocked on the back door.

"Warren? You got a minute?" He asked. "Sir." He added when he noticed Pruitt. It was awkward a bit.

"I'll leave you two," Pruitt said and left.

"What can I do for you, Sir?" Warren asked and Pruitt heard the tension in the man's voice.

"You can save my ass," Sullivan said and Warren closed the door to give them privacy. With a smile, Pruitt left.

When he was at the reception he got a call from Andy. She was asking him where he was and he told her. She asked him to wait for her. She wanted to take him out to dinner. He happily agreed.

Pruitt felt something he hadn't felt in a very long time. Hope.

* * *

_Enough or more? No promises on how fast it could and would be due to the medication making me sleepy all the time._


	2. Sully and Maya

_You need them to just say it out loud and end up in each other's arms as much as I do, huh? Okay… so let's play…_

_Thank you for the reviews and get well wishes. All of you! Guest reviews are welcome too but I can't reply. So THANK YOU. Haha including _merluca_surrera – I am sure glad you do! I'll try to get back to all of you once I can. But please know that I do love it when you tell me what you think._

_I must say that after five days of being in pain 24/7 I humbly admire all people living with constant pain. It sucks. It's exhausting. And I am sure you learn how to live with it and do your best but still… you're heroes to me! No matter what you suffer from._

_I've been thinking a lot about how to write this story. In case you haven't seen promo photos or haven't read episode descriptions for episodes 8 and maybe also 9, consider not reading from now on. It might spoil the surprise for you. Of course, we have no idea how it will play out but here's one of my guesses._

* * *

Sullivan stood before Warren in the PRT Aid car and was nervous like hell. Warren closed the door and waited. Sullivan knew it was up to him to say it all, it was up to him to come out clean. He took a deep breath.

"Sir?" Warren asked.

"You don't have to count the fentanyl again," Sullivan said as he didn't know how to start the conversation.

"No?" Warren asked back. He knew something was going on and he guessed that Sullivan was involved, he just didn't know how or why. "Why not?"

"Because I took them, Ben," Sullivan said and sat down in defeat into one of those fancy new chairs there. He was exhausted after the day he had and he couldn't take it anymore.

"I know."

"You know?"

"Yeah, I know. I'm not stupid. So tell me, Sir, should I report you for stealing drugs or will you tell me what the hell is going on?" Warren asked, mad and worried.

"Report me, if you have to. I won't deny it."

"Chief?" Warren was confused now. He didn't see it coming.

"I'm in trouble, Ben and I need help," Sullivan said quietly.

"And I offered the help before but you dismissed me." He replied and made a good point.

"And I'm sorry about that."

"So what is going on?" Ben wanted to know.

"I'm in pain. In a lot of pain. It started when we came back from L.A. I hurt my leg and during the healing, something went wrong. Maybe after the injury from the Aid car, it was too much. I don't know. Nobody can say for sure. But I'm in pain and…"

"Wait. Are you trying to tell me that you took that fent for yourself?" Ben asked and couldn't believe it.

"Yeah."

"Jesus…"

"It's complex regional pain syndrome. Do you know what that is?" He asked back. Warren nodded. Sure he did. "I was seeing a doctor, doing physical therapy, I had my medication and I thought it would get better so I didn't tell anyone."

"But it didn't get better."

"No, it started to get worse. At first, my leg was on fire just occasionally but it got more frequent and now I wake up with the pain and it's bearable but gets worse through the day and gets better, it's like a roller coaster and it's exhausting." Sullivan said and his voice was breaking.

"Who is your doctor?"

"Tom Koracick. I assume you know him."

"Yeah, quite well."

"He said there's a surgery that might help."

"Really? From what I know this is manageable with therapy and massages more than with surgery. But I'm not a neurosurgeon."

"Well, I refused the surgery because it's expensive and because I would have to tell the department," Sullivan confessed.

"Wait a minute, you didn't tell anyone?"

"No. I'm telling you," Sullivan answered and Ben needed a minute to think about it. This was huge.

"Why are you telling me?"

"Because… because I need help, Warren. And because I realized that I consider you a friend." Sullivan said and Ben sat back down next to him.

"I don't know if I can help you, Chief."

"I understand," Sullivan said, broken and defeated. He wanted to leave but Ben stopped him.

"But I can ask a friend if she could. She's a neurosurgeon."

"Okay," Sullivan answered, overwhelmed.

"She's good, Sir. She's better than Koracick but you must be completely honest with her. And with me. Is that clear?" Ben asked and Sullivan nodded, not trusting his voice enough to speak.

"Do you have any fentanyl left?" Ben asked then.

"Yes."

"Bring it to me. You can't be using that stuff on your own or you might as well OD." Warren told him and Sully looked guilty.

"I already did." He answered and Ben almost fell on his butt when he heard that.

"What?!"

"Today. Probie Dixon found me and got me back. And I lied to him about having a prescription on it."

"Sir." Ben was clearly disappointed in him and Sullivan could hear it in his voice and see it in his eyes.

"As I said, Warren, I'm in troubles and I need help," Sullivan replied and after a moment Ben nodded.

"And I'll do my best to help you." He told him and Sullivan excused himself and walked away. Ben stayed in the aid car and waited. His head was about to explode. He expected a lot of things but this? Certainly not. The super morale guy like Sullivan was using drugs to manage pain so he could still do his job? Did he overdose himself? Here at the station? What the hell?

He only hoped Amelia would be able to help him. Well with her history with drugs she could read Sullivan better than he could and she was more open to suggestions than Koracick so maybe she'll find a way how to help him. But Ben was worried that Sullivan's days in the FD were over. Once anyone would find out about the chronic pain and the drugs? Damn.

"Here." Sullivan was back and handed Ben the vial and syringe. He gave it to him and looked ready to fall apart. Ben took it and thanked him.

"Are you okay for now?"

"Yeah."

"I'll make the call and let you know, all right? And if the pain is too much you come to me, you don't take anything on your own, do you understand me?" Ben said and Sullivan should have been perhaps offended that his subordinate was talking to him like that but he knew that Ben meant well and had every right to talk to him like that after finding out his boss was using heavy pain meds to make it through the day.

"Yes."

"Okay."

"Thank you, Ben," Sullivan said and with a nod, he left.

It was difficult to talk about it and even more difficult to admit it to someone like Ben. But he could understand, and he could help him out. Hopefully.

Ben called Amelia, his neurosurgeon friend from Grey Sloan and told her all he could about the case of Robert Sullivan. She wasn't happy about taking over Koracick's case but when Ben told her who Sullivan was and that it was really important, she agreed. She gave him an appointment and promised Ben she would be discreet. He thanked her and they chatted for a few minutes about her pregnancy and about his wife letting Joey stay at their house.

Ben texted Sullivan the date and time of the appointment and Sullivan thanked him. He still felt horrible, but he was getting help. He needed it. He just wished he could have told Andy. He felt so weak and broken and ashamed of the need to have her close by. He felt like a fool. Knowing he had to leave he left. He was done for the day.

He had to think about what Pruitt told him. Did he tell Andy everything? What did he mean by that? And would it make a difference? She hated him which he knew she would. And she was right, she couldn't hate her father because he was dying so she could at least hate him. He wasn't all that healthy but that didn't matter. She needed to get those emotions out of her system and if this was the way, then be it.

He was in love with her. And he couldn't tell why or since when. He just felt it and it was both beautiful and scary. He loved her and it didn't make any sense. It took him so long to be sure about his feelings when he was dating Claire, it took him so long to realize what was going on. And now? Was it even possible? Or was it just about the chemistry between them? Or was it only one-sided? Did she feel the same way or was it over for her? Was the damage too big?

Sullivan allowed himself to remember some of the moments they shared, the kisses and touches, the hot breath and intoxicating scent. He remembered how she felt in his arms when he hugged her, how soft she was at the right places and how strong she was. He pictured her smile and her laughter and he felt something in him turn into a puddle of goo. He was like a damn teenager. He was pining after a girl that didn't want him. Or better said – when she did he said no and now he had only regrets and fears. But she cried in his arms, she didn't tell him to go, she didn't push him away, she let him comfort her, she let him be there for her for hours, she let him hold her and kiss her hair and touch her skin.

He was confused and he was in love and he was in trouble. And he was alone. It sucked.

Before he managed to fall asleep, he got a word from the hospital. Rigo Vasquez would be okay. Well, at least something. He should probably stop by Bishop's office and talk to her about it. He should have helped her more in the beginning. He failed her too.

When Robert Sullivan finally fell asleep he felt exhausted to the bone and after a long time in his life, he was truly scared.

The morning came and Robert was wide awake and in pain. There was this moment after he woke up when he didn't feel any pain at all. It was a blessed happy moment and it was gone too soon. He knew that he was among those happy ones suffering from the same fate, he wasn't in pain all the time, it would come and go, he wasn't having any skin changes, his leg wasn't swollen and there was no extra pressure in it. It just hurt like hell. He knew it could have been much worse and that there was a huge chance that one day it would.

Getting dressed he called Bishop to tell her he wouldn't be in his office for the day. She wasn't sure why was he calling her but he played it cool and just said he wanted to let her know just in case. He said he needed to take the day off because of medical reasons and she just wished him to get well. They also talked about Vasquez and he asked her about how she was doing.

"What do you mean by that, Sir?"

"He's one of your crew so I just wanted to make sure you were okay, Bishop."

"I'm fine, Sir."

"Look, Bishop, if you need to talk about it or…" He wanted to offer help but she cut him of.

"I'm fine, Sir. Thank you. Have a nice day." She said coldly and put the phone down. She couldn't very well admit that she hadn't slept at all and it had nothing to do with her hot chick lover coming to see her yesterday with lasagna.

Maya's day started weird. First Gibson called and asked if she had any news about Vasquez. Then Miller called and asked for some extended leave due to some family issues he had to take care of. Then Sullivan called and it was a weird social call. Coming to the station she was glad for the known walls and smells, she needed that place to keep it all together.

She knew that her crew would need some time to deal with what happened. So she called Pruitt Herrera and asked for advice. He told her that she should always start with breakfast and go from there. He promised he would do all he could then.

She should probably feel weak, at least according to her father, for asking for help but she felt good. She knew that if anyone could make it work, it was Captain Herrera. And having to face the truth about his cancer made her realize that she truly liked that man. She was in a tricky position but she would handle it. She had to handle it.

But she wasn't stupid so she took his advice to heart and brought breakfast for everyone, started on coffee and hoped that the crew would appreciate the gesture. It was a start. She also wanted to talk to Andy. Seriously.

When everyone except for Miller came to the station and changed, they were surprised by the breakfast. She waited for everyone to be there, including Andy.

"Hey everyone, good morning." She said and some of then replied the good morning, captain, as they should. Others just waited.

"What's the occasion?" Travis asked.

"We had a difficult shift yesterday so I thought we could have a nice breakfast today. And I wanted to talk to you all." She said. She noticed how uneasy they all looked. Only Andy looked passive.

Maya took a deep breath and continued.

"Vasquez will make a full recovery. Thanks to Warren." She said and they all cheered Warren.

"What happened yesterday…" she started and trying to gather up all her courage, she continued: "I don't like the way things are around here now and I think we need to work on it. All of us. On getting better. We need to trust each other and…" She stopped. Others waited. "I need to trust you more so you could trust me." She said.

"Please don't say we're going camping again," Vic said and others laughed.

"No, no we're not. I just thought that maybe we could talk."

"Talk?" Gibson asked.

"Yeah, talk. Here, over breakfast." She suggested and wasn't sure others would agree. They looked from one to another and neither knew what to say or how to start. And to Maya's utter surprise it was Andy who stepped forward, poured two cups of coffee and handed her one.

"Coffee, Captain?" She asked Maya. Maya smiled and refused to think about the tears in her eyes.

"Thanks, Andy." She thanked her and Andy nodded.

"If you want to talk to us, we can talk. Right, guys?" Andy asked others and taking her lead they agreed.

"I should have listened to you," Maya told Andy. "I should have paid more attention."

"Yes," Andy said. She appreciated Maya's attempt but she didn't know how to make it easy on her. Or if she should make it easy on her at all.

"I'll listen to you more," Maya said and Andy nodded. Others were silent.

"I'll respect your decisions, Captain. I shouldn't have questioned you." Andy replied and they all could hear how damn difficult that had to be for her.

Only Jack knew why was that. He talked to her yesterday in the evening. When he came back home she apologized for the way she acted at the Station and he told her he was an idiot and that he should probably ask for a transfer.

_"Don't be stupid, Jack."_

_"No, I broke the code. And I don't even know why. And Rigo almost died. Because of me."_

_"You and his wife who cheated on him." Andy supplied._

_"True. But I should have known better." He was beating himself up over it._

_"Yeah, you should."_

_"I told him, you know? That I didn't know who she was at first."_

_"Jack…" Andy felt deep sympathy for him._

_"Not that it matters. I should leave." He said and plopped down at the floor of their shared apartment._

_"You should talk to Rigo and ask him." Andy offered another solution._

_"What? No."_

_"Yes. You broke the code but his wife took part in it. So talk to him, ask him what he wants. Let him decide." Andy said. "He might tell you to go and screw yourself or he might not."_

_"You know what? I really hate that Sullivan took the promotion. He should have stayed our Captain." Gibson said and Andy looked at him sadly._

_"It would certainly solve quite a few things, yeah." She admitted._

_"Don't tell him but I kind of miss him," Gibson said and Andy chuckled. She looked at him sadly then._

_"I kind of do too." She said and Gibson didn't say anything. Only after a couple of minutes._

_"Look, it wasn't Maya's fault. We both told her we would be okay. She just…"_

_"She should have known, Jack."_

_"Yeah, but she trusted us to know. She tries."_

_"She messes up," Andy argued back._

_"But we're not making it easy for her," Gibson said and Andy had to agree._

_"Look, maybe it's good you're not the Captain." He tried and andy shot him a look._

_"Why would that be good?"_

_"Because you're still grieving Ryan and now with your dad… going through that and having to deal with being Captain? That's a lot." He reasoned with her._

_"I know." She agreed and it surprised him so much he didn't know what to say._

_"You do?"_

_"Yeah… I'm not happy about it but I… I still don't like how this happened, okay? My dad and Sullivan and Maya, they all should have talked to me first about it. They should have decided behind my back."_

_"No, they shouldn't have."_

_"But I kind of see why Robert… I mean why…" She tried to explain but couldn't. She looked at Gibson and he was smirking at her._

_"Robert, huh?" He asked back and she smacked him across the shoulder._

_"So what are you going to do?" Andy asked him._

_"My job. Till my Captain says otherwise. For now." He answered and Andy was glad to hear so. "You?" He asked her and Andy just shrugged._

_"I wish I knew." She replied and left to take a shower and go to bed._

Now she was facing Maya with the cup of coffee and Maya was trying to search her face for clues.

"If you ever need to talk, Captain, we can talk," Andy said and it was about the best she could have done. She turned away and walked to the kitchen area because she couldn't stand the looks of others burning into her back.

Maya felt like she would cry. Her father said she didn't need friends. He was wrong. Her father said not to rely on hope. And he was wrong. Her father said she could do everything she wanted if she did it alone, on her own. And he was wrong. She needed her friend. And she needed hope.


	3. They found each other

_Are you looking forward to season 4? Or are you both excited and worried as I am?_

_I'm cutting this short because I can't wait for the next episode and I am sure we'll meet again in couple of days :D So I'm saving some stuff for later._

* * *

Vic walked over to Andy and stood by her side in the kitchen in silent support. Andy took couple of steadying breaths and looked at her friend. Others were chatting in the beanery, the conversation wasn't as strained as before. Vic checked that they were alone there before she spoke.

"You okay, Herrera?" Vic asked her.

"Yeah." Andy replied. She didn't sound convincing though.

"You sure about this?"

"I'm sure. I'm not saying it's easy but I'm sure." Andy told her. Vic just nodded.

"Okay then." She said.

"Thanks, Vic. For caring." Andy said. Vic looked a bit uncomfortable for a moment.

"Look, I know we gave you a hard time before but…" She started and didn't know how to finish. Andy smiled at her sadly.

"But we're a team, right?"

"We're a team. And I think we need a girls night out." Vic said and Andy wasn't so sure about it. But maybe it was a good thing.

"Maybe we do." She half-agreed. Vic knew that it was hard for her, all of this.

"Just say the word when you're ready." Vic told her and Andy nodded. Yeah, she could do that. Vic walked over to the rest of the team while Andy stood back there. Maya glanced at her every now and then but didn't try to approach her. She knew that it would be too much too soon. She appreciated the effort and could wait for more. The important thing was that there was hope.

She watched the team have breakfast and even though she shouldn't, she felt broken and exhausted. Too much had happened.

She was up early that morning and couldn't get much sleep. Her father's words kept on echoing in her ears and she had to fight an inner battle so she wouldn't start crying like a baby. Again. Of course she was still trying to deal with the fact that her father would die in the next six months but she was still in shock regarding that. She was also trying to understand what really happened.

She didn't know why Sullivan pushed her away after L.A. She didn't know why he changed his mind when he claimed he had fallen in love with her as much as she had fallen in love with him. He seemed to care about her, he held her for hours when she cried because of her dad. He even asked how she was yesterday, trying to be there for her even though he didn't have to. Why? He claimed he wanted to protect their promotions. And she believed that he had betrayed her. Well till her father told her that Robert wanted to promote her. Did he believe in her? Really?

She didn't understand it. She was trying not to cling to some strange silver lining. She didn't want to feel the way she felt about him. She didn't want to have to fight for her right to get promoted. Everyone was questioning her now and they would keep it up no matter what. Her father was right when he said she ruined her reputation. She did. Because she fell in love with her Captain.

She knew she was hard on him when she closed the door right into his face but he didn't deserve anything else. He acted behind her back and didn't even think about telling her. He did a crappy job at being her boss and at being her friend. Well, okay, he was there when she needed him the most and he let her work after she lost Ryan but still…

He looked so … defeated yesterday though. Like something happened to him and he really wanted to talk. He let her believe it was all on him and it was a lie as her dad explained. He didn't even try to defend himself, he didn't try to tell her the truth. He would let her hate him and be mad so she wouldn't have to end up being mad at her dying father.

Andy didn't understand what was going on but when she realized that she missed him she decided to give him the chance to at least tell her what he wanted to tell her. She didn't think anyone except for Ryan could offer the comfort that would let her feel through all her emotions and yet keep her feet on the ground. Nobody could ever do that, just Ryan. But Robert did it when he held her in that bunk. He did it when he was there for her when she needed him the most. So maybe he deserved the chance.

When people started to leave to do their chores, Andy walked to Sullivan's office. The blinds were partially closed so she knocked and opened the door. But the office was empty. She felt like a fool. She didn't even consider the option that he wouldn't be there. He was always there. Chief of the eight battalion but still… she was an idiot. If he didn't come back during the day, she would call him in the evening. It would be better to talk outside the station anyway.

As she was walking away, feeling a bit sad for some stupid reason like that he wasn't in his office, she met Maya on the catwalk. They both stopped dead in their tracks.

"Sullivan won't be here today." Maya said. "Can I help you?" She asked and Andy wasn't sure how exactly she meant it.

"No, thank you, I needed to talk to him." Andy said.

"Andy…" Maya started.

"Don't push it, Maya, okay." Andy asked her and Maya nodded.

"No problem," Maya answered. She had no idea where Andy stood with Sullivan now but her guess would be that things were rough between them. "He called in the morning and told me he wouldn't be here today, he had some medical reasons which he didn't specify." Maya said. "Just in case you wanted to know."

"Thank you." Andy said and they stood there, both silent and not saying anything.

"I should get back to work," Andy told her and Maya nodded.

"Sure." She said and stepped aside to let Andy walk past her. She watched her with a heavy heart. She missed her friend. And she was worried about her. But she knew that everything was a matter of time. Or so she wanted to believe.

She was super curious about her relationship with Sullivan though. And not because she wanted to use it against her. She learned from her mistake and maybe one day Andy would forgive her. No, she was curious because it was something huge and she wanted to know. Sullivan obviously cared for her still. And she?

Maya wasn't stupid. She realized that Sullivan probably knew about Captain Herrera's condition so he promoted her to give Andy time to grieve both Ryan and her father. The thought wasn't pleasing. It was horrible, really. But she got her chance and it didn't matter why. Maybe she didn't earn it over Andy. Maybe Andy was better but under the circumstances Sullivan chose her. And yes, maybe it was to protect Andy but… but she couldn't blame him. When she tried to picture herself in his shoes she honestly didn't know what she would have done.

She got her shot. She almost blew it. But she would do better from now on. She had to. She was not willing to fail and she was even less willing to lose lives of her crew. She had to try harder. She had to be a better Captain. And besides that she also wanted to be a better friend if Andy would one day give her the chance.

Sullivan was waiting for his doctor in the lobby. When he saw pregnant doctor walking towards him with a folder in her hand, he wasn't sure if it was her or not. She smiled at him when she stopped by him.

"Robert Sullivan?" She asked.

"Yes, that's me."

"I'm Amelia Shepherd. Nice to meet you."

"Thank you, doc, for seeing me." He said nervously. She smiled at him. "I hope it's okay."

"Normally I would probably have to think about it but Ben's a friend." She answered. "So any friend of Ben's…" She let the sentence unfinished.

"I'm grateful." He told her and she smiled back. He knew she was already trying to assess him, to read him.

"Shall we?" She showed him the way and he followed her to her office. He totally missed Dr. Bailey watching him with shock on her face. Maybe it was for the better because then he would have been so nervous he would have probably changed his mind and left the hospital.

Amelia looked at him, she was trying to read his face and body language. She had to admit that he was one handsome man. Damn the pregnancy hormones. While they were walking to her office she tried to make small talk but soon realized that he was too nervous.

Sullivan was trying to stay focused but the pain was different today and he had troubles dealing with it. Small talk was beyond him at some point so he just hoped he didn't look like a complete fool.

"You're in pain." Amelia said out of the blue and it shocked him. She waited for him to say something and he remembered the promise he gave to Warren. He promised him he'd be honest and open with her. It was so hard though.

"Yes."

"Did you take anything for it?" She asked him then. He would prefer the Earth to open and swallow him whole.

"Not today." He answered. They slowly entered Amelia's office and she sat down at the table. Sullivan sat opposite her and watched her as she read through what he assumed was his file.

"So… will you tell me your story?" She asked then and waited.

"It's all in there." Sullivan replied, uncomfortable.

"Yeah and I'm sure it's the super redacted version of events because you wouldn't give Tom all the glorious details." Amelia answered and noticed how embarrassed the big man looked. So she was on the right track. "Tell me and help me understand you." She prompted but Sullivan stayed silent.

He wasn't sure he could do this. It was too much. He watched her as she was sitting in the chair, smiling at him, waiting for him to say something. She wasn't pushing him but it was clear she expected him to answer her honestly.

"What do you know about CRPS, Robert? Can I call you Robert?" She asked and he nodded.

"Sure, doc."

"Good. Now tell me, what do you know?"

"Just what Dr. Koracick told me."

"Did you try to find someone like you?" Amelia asked.

"What?"

"It's not uncommon for patients with CRPS to find help and support in the community, among other people suffering from the same problem. It's unlikely you would find someone with the exact same issues as you have but someone could be close."

"I didn't know that." Sullivan answered and felt betrayed somehow. Why Koracick didn't tell him? Well he was an adult, he could have asked him, sure.

"Every case is different but it helps to be in touch with someone who's been on your path. So I'll certainly give you the contacts because it's essential for the therapy."

"Is it?"

"What? You're afraid to talk to someone who is in constant pain as you are?" She asked him and he could hear it in her voice that she didn't agree with his hesitation.

"I'm a private guy. It's not easy for me to talk about it. I don't open up to many people." Sullivan said back and felt sharp pain in his chest as he realized that he told Andy the exact same thing.

"So talk to me first." Amelia said. "Tell me everything, Robert. When it did start, how did it feel, what were you doing when you felt it for the first time. Tell me about your pain." She said and waited again. "Tell me your story and help me understand." She asked.

Sullivan closed his eyes. He wanted to leave. He wanted to disappear. But Ben said she was good. And from what he could tell so far? She was more than just good. She obviously knew her job well. And she was willing to help him. He just had to face his deepest fear and answer her questions. He hated this so much.

And so he told her about L.A. He told her about kicking the door and about escaping the fire. He told her he thought it was just a reminder of his old injury from the Aid Car accident.

"I've heard about that one." Amelia said.

"Yeah, not a pleasant experience." Sullivan replied.

"So you've been in pain ever since you kicked the door?" She asked and he looked so uncomfortable that she was immediately curious.

"No. It passed and we got back to Seattle." Sullivan said. Looking at his own hands he gathered up all the courage he had. "We came back and things got a little intense between me and one… woman." He said and Amelia tried not to look too excited. This was getting interesting. "I fell on a bed and the pain came back. It was sharp and unexpected. It paralyzed me." He confessed and Amelia felt deep sympathy for him.

"I'm sorry to hear that." She said. "What happened next?" She asked.

"I waited till it passed and then made an appointment here with Dr. Koracick. It took him some time to figure out what was wrong." He told her and proceeded to explain how he tried the PT and meds from the doctor, he told her all about the pain and about how he changed jobs in a way so he didn't have to deal with the heat from fires and face the risk of losing lives of his people in case his leg would decided to give him hell. He told her about the surgery and he told her about not wanting it because he didn't tell anyone about his condition.

Amelia read through his file and then looked at him so intensely he didn't know what to think about it.

"Ben said you were in troubles. Can you specify?" She asked him.

"I ran out of meds so I … stole some fentanyl." He confessed and thought Amelia would look horrified or disgusted but she looked … well sympathetically at him.

"Do you take daily?" She asked and he nodded. She chewed on her lip. Now she understood why Ben asked her to take care of this patient. Sullivan understood her silence wrongly.

"I'm not an addict." He said fiercely.

"You are using just to get through the morning. You're sick Robert and it ends with you being dead." She said openly and he looked shocked. Amelia put down his folder and the pen she had in her hand.

"Are you in control?" She asked and watched him closely for his reaction.

"I thought I was." He answered honestly.

"What happened?" She asked and he told her. He still tried to defend himself that it was a one time thing but she knew better.

"Trust me, Robert, because I know it."

"How could you?" He asked back.

"Because I was in your shoes. And I didn't die, obviously, but my boyfriend did right next to me. And my child was… he… he was born without brain because I conceived him while on drugs." She said and the pure shock on Sullivan's face showed her that she hit him right where she had to so he would start listening.

"Doc…"

"I can help you if you let me. But you have to trust me." She said.

"I wake up in pain and I go to sleep in pain. Some days it's better and some days it's worse. There are days when the pain is gone completely but then it hits me and makes me scream and I'm scared. Me leg gives out and I after the pain there's just numbness." He told her, trying to keep his emotions in check.

"There are a lot of things we can try." She said softly.

"I'll do anything you say." He answered and she believed him. He looked so sad that Amelia felt bad for him.

"Do I need to admit you?" She asked and he knew well she meant because of the drugs.

"No. I gave all I had to Warren." He said.

"Good. That's good." She replied. That was important. "Do you trust yourself not to try to get more?"

"Yes." He said and she only half-believed him. But that was okay.

"Does she know? That woman you were with."

"No. No, she doesn't." Sullivan answered and the pain in his voice was obvious.

"Did you consider telling her? Or someone else?"

"Why?"

"It'll be a long fight, Robert. And trust me that it's better not to be alone for it. You'll need the support." She said and he nodded. She could tell that he didn't believe her but that was okay. He would have to figure out this part for himself.

Sullivan felt sad and worried and he knew that she was probably right but could he tell Andy? Should he? She had enough on her plate already. He listened to his new doctor while she spoke of his options and methods to treat CRPS and have a better life with it. She told him about the association working with people like him, she told him about the support programs and she told him about people she knew suffered from the same disease. She gave him few numbers to call and she scheduled him for some more tests and of course another check-up with her. She didn't promise him anything but she honestly said she would try to do her best to help him have a full and happy life even with the disease. And he believed her.

"Now for the pain…" She said. He looked at her and waited for the blow.

"I'll try something else than Tom gave you. But we make a deal."

"Okay. What is it?"

"You take it exactly as I say you take it and you'll bring the rest back for every check-up."

"You'll count the pills."

"Damn right I will." She said and let him decide if he wanted it or not. He looked uneasy.

"Remember when I said it's better not to fight this alone?" She asked him and he nodded. "At this part it helps when you give the pills over to someone you trust, someone you love and let them handle the difficult part for you." She told him softly and he nodded.

"Okay, doc. Let's try it." He said. He wasn't sure if he wanted to give them over and he wasn't sure he wanted them at all but he had to try because he knew the pain would kill him. Amelia smiled at him, gave him prescription and couple of papers, he gave him list of contacts and list of appointments he had to take. And hoped he would. But something was telling her that he came soon enough to stop the disaster from happening.

She was quite curious about this patient. Maybe Ben could tell her more about him. Or Robert will tell her himself in time. He looked so lonely.

On his way back to the Station he texted Warren and thanked him. Warren asked if he was okay or needed something for the pain but Sully told him about his deal with the doctor.

"Do you want me to handle it?" Warren asked him.

"No, thank you. I'll try by myself."

"Sir…"

"Don't worry, Ben. I know where to find you." He said and Ben could only wish him luck.

Sully was supposed to take the meds really sporadically and hoped he could manage. But he wanted to, he needed to give his doctor and his body a chance to fight and live with it. No more fentanyl. Warren was proud of him and knew it was difficult. He offered help if needed and Sullivan thanked him, after quite a few years feeling different when he knew he had friends.

When he finally came back to the Station it was late. He was relieved to see all the cars parked where they should be. He walked to Bishop's office and knocked on the door. She looked up from the paperwork and he gave her a smile.

"Sir?" She asked.

"I should have said it sooner, Bishop but I trust you. You'll do great. Just don't be afraid to ask for help." He said and with a nod he left her. Maya wasn't sure about what just happened.

Sullivan walked back to his office and saw the A shift leaving. Their shift was over and they were heading home. He was hungry so he walked to the beanery and made himself coffee. Happily he noticed there was cake left in the fridge so he took a piece. Today he could use the chocolate. He had a hard day and kept on thinking about what the doctor said about him telling someone about his condition. Warren obviously wasn't enough or he didn't count.

When he was finally ready to leave and go home, Andy came to the beanery. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw him. It was awkward. She coughed and just said hello, Chief. She walked past him to get some coffee herself and he just stood there and watched her.

"Andy…" He said and she stopped. Putting her mug down she turned around to face him.

"You wanted to talk." She said.

"Yes." He answered.

"So talk." She told him and he suddenly didn't know where to start or even how. Andy watched him as he stayed silent and looked down at her feet sadly.

"You can't do it." She commented and wanted to leave. He reacted and grabbed her arm to stop her from leaving. It surprised him when she yelped in pain and grew all green. He let go immediately and Andy ran to the bathroom. He followed her, not caring about the fact that it was women's bathroom. He heard her threw up and was worried sick.

He knelt down to her and held her hair out of the way. When she was done he stood up and gave her a cold cloth and a cup of water to rinse her mouth. She looked so weak but at least she wasn't green anymore. She looked at him and saw his guilty look.

"Not your fault. I got cut on the call today. I have some stitches and you just…"

"I hurt you again." He said disbelievingly. He helped her to get up and put his arms on her to keep her steady.

"I'll be fine." She answered and despite everything she smiled at him. "I'm just tired." She said and he nodded.

"I'll take you home." He said and only then realized that she wouldn't probably let him.

"Robert…"

"Sorry. I…" He didn't know what to say. He took a deep breath and still holding Andy, now more for his sake than hers, he told her. "I'm sick, Andy and I screwed up. I ruined everything. And I am sorry."

She was watching him and couldn't believe him. He looked so sad and so broken. He closed his eyes and tried to regain some composure. Andy would later blame the pain meds for her cut or the tiredness after a long day but she reached up and put her palm on his face to make him look at her. He was so shocked when she touched him.

Looking into her eyes, he put his hand over hers on his face and leaned into her touch. His heart was beating madly and he felt like crying.

"We can talk." She said and he nodded and swallowed. "But not here." She added and he agreed.

"Okay. Yes. Thank you." He said. "Where?"

"I have a roommate. You?"

"Is that a good idea?" He wasn't sure about it because he couldn't even guess what he would think about if she came to his place. Was that a good idea, really?

"Probably not." She said and it made him chuckle.

"What about we take a walk?" She asked then and he agreed to that. They both needed to change so they met later downstairs and left the Station together. They walked together silently, neither knew what to say or how to start.

"I'm sick." Sullivan said suddenly. "Ever since L.A. I've been having problems with my leg."

"What?" Andy didn't understand.

"CRPS."

"Robert." Andy stopped dead in her tracks, shocked.

"That's why I told you to go because my leg was on fire and I couldn't move. That's why I pushed you away because I didn't know what was happening and it was killing me and I didn't want to drag you down with me. I know I screwed up and I know I should have told you everything sooner." He said and didn't give her a chance to say something.

"I thought it was getting better but it actually got worse. I didn't want to quit my job and I didn't want to stop seeing you every day so I applied for the Battalion Chief. I needed a desk job so I could deal with my leg. But it didn't help." He said and noticed how affected by it Andy looked.

"You're in pain." She said then.

"Yes."

"All the time."

"Yes. Mostly. It comes and goes."

"And you didn't tell anyone?" She couldn't believe it.

"I did. Yesterday."

"Yesterday?" Andy was shocked and worried. "What happened?" She asked as she realized something had to happen when he finally told someone.

"I'm in troubles." He answered and looked ashamed. Turning away from her he took a step and a deep breath.

"I ran out of pain meds. I didn't want to try a surgery that might and might not help and I didn't know what to do."

"What did you do?"

"Fentanyl." He said that one word and felt even more ashamed now. She was watching him like he was crazy. That didn't make any sense. He turned around to face her. "I've been using fentanyl."

Andy was speechless and confused from it all. She expected a lot of things but not this.

"I need help, Andy. I…"

"Whom did you tell?"

"Warren. I told Warren. He set me up with his friend, she's a neurosurgeon."

"You saw her today, didn't you?"

"Yes."

"What did she tell you?" Andy asked and so he told her. Andy listened the whole time.

"You're an idiot." She told him when he was finished. "You're a bloody idiot. You should have told me when it started. You wouldn't have to face it alone."

"I was scared."

"Why?" She didn't understand.

"Because…." He tried to say something but didn't know what or how.

"You don't trust me?" She asked and sounded hurt. "Robert." She called his name when he didn't answer. He looked her in the eye.

"I trust you. I love you. And I need you. But I know I have no right after everything that I put you through." He said honestly and Andy had to blink away tears. Andy walked over to him and hugged him without saying anything. It took him about a second before he hugged her back, offering as much comfort as he was taking from it himself.

Andy held him and felt the warm fuzzy feeling envelop her again. It felt so good to hold him, to rest against him, to feel him. She was still trying to process it all.

"I'm still mad at you." She said then and stepped away to look up at him.

"I know."

"Dad told me everything, Robert." She told him and he wasn't sure what exactly she meant by it. "You should have told me he came to you, you should have told me he asked you to reconsider the promotion. Why didn't you tell me?"

"You didn't need a reason to hate your father."

"So you let me be mad at you."

"It was easier." He said and in his head it made perfect sense.

"So what now?" She asked. "Tell me."

But he had no answer for her. He didn't know. Everything was still a mess and he was in the middle of it. Andy saw him hesitate and tried to think about it herself. She was still mad but now she was also worried and grateful and everything at one and it was confusing and overwhelming.

"What do you want, Robert?" She asked then and brought them back to the day where they both admitted for the first time how much the other meant to them.

"You." He said. "I want you. I need you. I'm in love with you. And I'm scared." He said and she stopped him when she put her hand on his face and brought him down for a kiss. He didn't react at first but then he put his hand into her hair and deepened the kiss as much as she allowed him.

So they stood on the street in the evening and held onto each other, kissing like long parted lovers. And it didn't matter that they were still unsure about what to do or how to handle things. They were together in it and made the first steps to fix their broken relationship. It wasn't much but they both felt something beautiful. Hope.

* * *

_Want an epilogue before the next episode is up?_


	4. Epilogue

_You're so bad! :D Okay so here we go. Possible M warning. Well… sue me. Sorry, deleted the chapter by accident. Whoops. So I at least added one last conversation for you as an apology.  
_

* * *

Sullivan rested his forehead against hers when they needed to stop. He sighed and smiled and was so nervous it was cute. Andy still held him and didn't want to let go.

The situation was bad, she knew it was. They crossed the line, again. And this time it was different. They couldn't blame the adrenalin or anything else. It was so strong, it pulled them together and they just couldn't step away from it and pretend nothing happened.

"Forgive me." He said and she felt like crying. "I hurt you so much. I'm sorry."

"It's okay…" She answered and felt him nuzzle her hair. It was such an intimate gesture that it made her knees go all weak. "So you wanted to stay at 19 so you could see me every day?" She asked him about one thing he said before.

"Now when you say it I sound pathetic." He said.

"No, it's nice. Really." She said and looked up to meet his eyes finally. Her heart was beating like crazy and she couldn't breathe. She was so captured in the moment she would let everything slide by. He put her hair behind her ear and caressed her face.

"I should take you home." He said and she didn't think he would say this. She expected a lot of things but not this.

"Don't." She replied and he looked unsure.

"Andy…"

"Let's grab some pizza and we can talk more." She suggested. "Unless you don't want to."

Instead of answering her he kissed her again, pulled her close to his body. She smiled into the kiss and soon he smiled back. Taking a step back he waited. Reaching out he offered her his hand and she took it. It was a strange feeling but a welcomed one.

"I don't know what to expect." Andy said nervously.

"Me neither." He replied. They walked together silently, he called into one restaurant that was close to his place and ordered some take-out pizza and tiramisu.

"I miss you." She said suddenly and he stopped walking, looking at her, trying to search her face for any clues. "I miss our coffees and workouts, I miss you as a friend." She added.

"That feeling is mutual." He answered and just in case he wouldn't get a chance after telling her the rest of his story, he kissed her again. And she let him. It was a chaste sweet kiss but meant so much to them. She smiled then mischievously.

"What?"

"Nothing…"She said and decided not to tell him right then.

They walked to the restaurant, Sullivan paid for the food much to Andy's dismay but one look and it stopped her from complaining. She got the tiramisu and he took the pizza. They walked to his apartment and they both felt really nervous.

He unlocked the door and let her step inside. She tried not to look around too much but she was curious. He let her and took the food to the kitchen counter. He took plates and glasses and took it to the coffee table in the living room. Andy in the meantime took off her shoes and jacket and walked over to him.

They sat down on the couch together and ate the pizza.

"I need to tell you something else." He said after some time of sitting in comfortable silence.

"Okay. What is it?" She asked, worried a bit.

"Yesterday when I took the fentanyl, I… took too much." He confessed and Andy coughed on her pizza.

"What do you mean too much?"

"Overdose." He said the one word he dreaded the most. He didn't dare to look at her. "It was close but young Dixon found me and got me out of it."

"Oh my God, Robert." Andy said and wasn't sure if she was worried or mad or both.

"I told him I had prescription but that was a lie."

"That's why you told Warren?" Andy asked and before he could reply she realized something else. "That's what you wanted to tell me when you came and asked for help." She said.

"Yes." He replied and noticed how distressed she looked.

"I'm so sorry." She said then and her voice was trembling as she tried to imagine how much it had to cost him to go to her only to have her slam the door at his face.

"No, I understand."

"I should have given you a chance." She argued.

"And I should have been honest with you since the beginning." He argued back and that made her stay silent once again.

"How are you handling it?" Andy asked as she put down her plate and looked at him.

"I gave the fent back to Warren. Dr. Shepherd gave me something else."

"Just like that? Did you tell her?"

"Yeah, I told her everything. She said she would count the pills every time I see her."

"Okay. That's good." Andy commented, trying to think about it. "Little humiliating but well…"

"I'll be fine, Andy." He tried to reassure her.

"Yeah, you will." She said but got up from the couch and walked to the kitchen to put her plate there along with the empty pizza box. Robert gave her a moment before coming to her. He stepped behind her and just like before he let her lean into his body. He smelled her hair and felt her warmth and his skin tingled.

"What is it?" He asked, sneaking his arms around her.

"If he didn't find you…" She said and turned around in his embrace to hold him properly.

"It won't happen again."

"Promise me." She asked and he did it, he promised.

"You wanna know something funny?" He asked her and she looked at him disbelievingly.

"What?"

"I had hallucinations. I saw Luke. He was trying to talk some sense into me."

"That's not uncommon." She commented.

"He also told me to stop trying to work so hard, he said I needed to focus more on the people I love and people that… well that love me."

"That was a good hallucination." Andy said with a smile.

"He was right. And I think I knew it all along but was too scared." He told her.

"You're scared of me?" She asked back softly.

"I'm scared of loving you."

"Why?"

"Because I haven't felt like this in a very long time. And I don't know what to do." He told her and she understood. She's the first ever since he lost his wife.

"I haven't felt like this in my whole life." She told him and he tried to search her eyes for something that would tell him if it was for real or not.

Robert smiled at her then and kissed her again. And he didn't hold back. Neither did she for the matter. And soon they got lost in the moment and with occasional smiles he let the passion he felt to take over. He hoister her up on the kitchen counter and she willingly wrapped her legs around him. When she put her hands under his t-shirt it was like a bolt of lightning. He let her fingers wander on his skin and enjoyed every moment of it. When she pulled on the hem he helped her to take it off. And like before she was devouring him with her eyes. She was mesmerized by him. He was so handsome, so welt-built. He gave her time when she moved her fingers across his skin and he waited.

When they moved to kiss again, they knocked down a bottle of wine he opened before and totally forgot about it. The wine spilled on Andy. They stopped their mutual exploration and Andy laughed a bit.

"Sure…" She just sighed and hopped down from the kitchen counter. He handed her a dishtowel and they dried the surface together. Her t-shirt was soaked though. And her jeans.

"Come with me." He said then and took her hand. Without a word he let her to his bathroom. She noticed there was both a bathtub and a shower. Before she could ask him what he had on his mind, he put the plug into the tub and turned on the water. Andy was looking at him like he was nuts.

"Robert."

"Just take your time, okay? I'll clean up in the kitchen." He said. Reaching into one of the cabinets he handed her a towel and then walked away. Andy was speechless. She was still waiting to wake up from this dream because it was incredible and it didn't make any sense. But she was tired and sore and her and Jack's apartment had only one bathroom with a shower and no tub. So it looked heavenly.

She stripped down and eased into the hot water. It was a little too hot but she felt her muscles relax at one. She kept her injured hand above water although she had waterproof bandage over the stitches so nothing could happen. Before she realized it she closed her eyes and let the warm water envelop her. In a couple of minutes she looked around and it hit her. She was taking a bath in Robert's bathroom. She was naked in his bathroom. She was naked. And he was close. How the hell this happened?

She noticed the black metal and wood around her, she noticed how it all screamed that it was a man's den and yet it was so pure and industrial. It was him. Just like him. Hard and beautiful, soft and strong. She liked that place. Her mind automatically travelled to the question of how his bedroom probably looked like but she refused to think about that. It was enough that she was naked in his bathroom.

She didn't know how much time had passed but there was a knock on the door. Robert came in with a glass of wine. She didn't even move.

He was worried she had fallen asleep so he decided to come and check on her. He took the wine along, well what's been left of it in the bottle and knocked on the door. There was no answer so he opened and there she was. In his bath.

"Hey." He said and she just smiled, too relaxed to care about anything.

"Hey." She replied. He walked over and handed her the glass. He wanted to leave but she asked him to stay. And so he sat down on the floor, his back leaning against the bathtub.

"Do you honestly think we can make it work?" She asked him then and he was glad he couldn't see her face as he would probably do or say something stupid. Like this he could take a moment to think.

"I don't know how but I would like to, yes." He replied. "You?"

"I'm still trying to process it all." She said.

"I understand."

"But…" She said and left him waiting for a moment before she put it all together in her head. "But when I'm with you I feel better, stronger." She said.

"Andy." He said softly and turned around. He could still see only her head peaking above the edge.

"We're not okay." She told him sadly.

"I know. But I want to try to fix it." He replied and she smiled.

"I'd like that too." She said and moved in the bathtub so she could lean in for a kiss. He was surprised by her behavior. He wasn't used to it.

"Wash my back?" She asked, her eyes still closed and he had to swallow the lump in his throat. But he was a grown-up man for God's sake so he should be able to do something so simple as wash her back. Andy leaned forward and exposed her back to him and he gently washed it. His hand was trembling and it had little to do with a possible low temperature. Nope, it was nice and hot in the bathroom. But he was nervous and he was thinking about a lot of inappropriate things.

When he was done Andy wanted to wash her hair too while she was already wet in the bath but she winced in pain. Damn stitches. Sullivan knew that this would be the topic of his erotic dreams for next twenty years or so but thinking about Redford doing it, he manned up. Reaching for the small showerhead in the bathtub he started to wash Andy's hair.

Andy was speechless. She would never even dare to think about this happening. She wouldn't even dare to suggest it to someone she was dating. And now? He was washing her hair. He was gentle and soft and she was ready to crawl out of her skin with anticipation. Her senses were on high alert and she couldn't focus.

When she leaned her head back to give him better access so he could rinse the shampoo, she showed him her naked front and Sullivan almost fell down on the floor. This was pure torture. It took him some time to finish the task at hand because he couldn't focus at all. When he was done Andy didn't want for anything, she turned to face him and taking his face into her hands, she kissed him. It was wet and sloppy and so erotic she thought she would spontaneously combust.

"Andy…" He warned her.

"Do you want me?" She asked him and he had to swallow.

"Yes." He breathed out the response.

"I'm right here." She replied and watched him as he took off his t-shirt. Again. Waiting for him she was surprised when he grabbed the towel.

"Stand up." He commanded and she stood up, following his gentle order. She was past the point where she would care about anything. Now it was about a lot more and she let her heart – and body, yeah – take the lead.

Sullivan wrapped her in the towel and then took her into his arms. She pressed closer to him.

"Your leg?" She asked but he silenced her with a kiss. She liked that answer as she kissed him back and enjoyed the warmth seeping from his skin where she touched him.

He put her down on his bed gently.

"You're so beautiful." He said and she blushed. She couldn't believe it but she blushed. Looking him in the eye she untied the towel and opened it. She lied there naked on his bed and waited. She felt his eyes on her, taking her in, every single inch of her body. And she just waited.

"Hope you don't want me to leave now." She said when he was still speechless.

"Never again." He said and moved down so he could kiss her. And moaned and lost all coherent thinking. She was overwhelmed by him, by his touch and scent, by the way he tasted and oh that guy could kiss. He still had his jeans on but she could feel him, all of him, when he was close to her.

"Can I?" He asked and she didn't know what to say. She just nodded.

And so he stopped kissing her mouth and moved slowly to her neck, he found that spot that made her whimper. He remembered that spot from the time in his office.

"Robert."

"I couldn't forget the sound you make when I kiss you there." He said hoarsely.

"What sound?" She asked and so he kissed her there again. And she made that sound.

"This one." He said playfully and she tried to press herself closer to him and he got the message. And so letting his hand slide down her side to caress her stomach and soft skin on her side, he kissed her collarbone and then moved down to the swell of her breast. When he put his mouth on her breast she exhaled. She was melting. Her eyes were falling shut on their own and she tried really hard to keep them open so she could see him kissing her. It was intoxicating.

When he sucked on her nipple she buckled and he pushed her body into the mattress. She moaned and whimpered and when he moved to her other breast she lost ability to think at all. When he kissed her navel she was going crazy and couldn't stand it anymore.

"I need you." She said and he looked up. One of her hands was on his head and the other was clutching the sheet next to her body. He was so turned on he thought he would explode but he was determined to make it up to her for the first time when he failed her.

"And what do you need? Tell me." He said, his voice betraying him, showing the deep level of arousal he felt. He moved up to kiss her on the lips and was surprised when she deepened the kiss and in one swift motion turned them over. She was straddling him now and when she finally had the courage to look him in the eye she noticed how his eye color changed. So dark. So beautiful.

She leaned down and kissed him and he understood that he should give her the same time she just gave him. And so she touched him and kissed him and when he moaned or when his breath got quicker, she tested the spot again just to learn all she could about him.

When she was down and unbuckled his jeans, he felt like a teenager.

"Andy…" He tried to warn her but she just smiled at him and pulled his belt out. She opened the button then and the zipper. He knew he should have let her but he couldn't.

He reached for her hands and stopped her.

"Stop."

"What's wrong?" She asked worriedly.

"It's been a long time." He tried to explain unsure if she would get the hint or not. "One touch and I might fail you again." He warned her and in a moment she understood. He pulled her down underneath him and kissed her again.

"Show me." She said. "I want to see you." She pleaded and wasn't ashamed at all about it. And so he undressed in front of her, his eyes never leaving hers. She sat up on the bed and reached out her hand. He took it and she pulled him down to her on the bed.

He was too nervous so she kissed him again and something in him snapped. He took control into his own hands and while kissing her he caressed her body all the way down to her core to make sure she was ready for this. Well she was more than just ready. When he touched her there her hips buckled and he wanted to give her all the pleasure he could.

"No. Later." She stopped him and he grinned at her. It was nice to hear she thought about this happening again.

"I'm on the pill…" She whispered into his ear. They both knew the other was clean so he didn't waste any more time and while kissing her he moved in between her legs and as she wrapped her legs around him he got the hint and didn't wait for anything else.

They both froze to the spot, surprised and trying to adjust to the situation. They were both so aroused it was impossible to think about it. He put his hands next to her face and she pressed her body into his. And he moved. And her world fell apart into million pieces.

So they made love for the first time after one of their most erotic experiences in his bathroom. When their eyes met they couldn't break the connection till one of them did something that drove the other wild. It took them a while to learn about the other but soon they found their rhythm, they found what the other liked and what worked for them.

At some point Andy moved to be on top of him again and he willingly let her. She found the perfect angle to drive her wild and he just watched her move on him. She bent forward and kissed him and he wasn't sure how much he could stand. She sat up again and brought his hands to her hips, she showed him how to grip her and he did as she asked.

It didn't take long before she closed her eyes and her breathing started to change. Robert watched her, totally in awe, bewitched by her. He dared to let go of her hip and touched her where she needed the pressure the most. She screamed and bit her lip and let him drove her over the edge. Not slowing down she continued her movements till the point where he grabbed her and turned them over. He was done soon after her and collapsed on top of her.

Andy felt him as he wanted to move away but she hugged him close to her and didn't give him a chance.

"Stay. I need to feel you." She whispered.

"I'm crushing you."

"No, you're not." She said. After some time he moved but lied down next to her, resting his face on her chest. She kept on caressing his skin and he had to fight the urge to fall asleep.

"Robert?"

"Yes?" He said and looked up at her. She was smiling at him.

"Any regrets?"

"Aside from not doing this sooner?" He asked and she grinned.

"No. You?"

"No." She answered and they moved so they could cuddle on the bed. He threw the blanket over them to keep them warm.

"I know we have to talk about it some more and decide what to do but…"

"Not now." She supplied and he agreed. "Can we rest first?"

"Do you want some t-shirt?"

"No. Hold me." She said and he did as she asked.

"Andy..."

"Yes?"

"Can you do something for me?" He asked.

"What is it?"

"Can you take the pain meds and keep them for me?"

"Why?" She asked and looked up at him.

"I don't trust myself but I trust you." He said and she could only kiss him at that.

"Okay." She said then and nestled back into his embrace. She was falling asleep in the arms of man she loved and she didn't regret it at all. It was only the beginning but it gave her hope for the future.

Robert watched her nuzzle her face into his chest, her hand resting on his abdomen, her leg over his and he felled blessed. His leg hurt but he could ignore it for now. He focused on the warm soft body next to his, on her breathing and on her scent and knew that he was totally screwed because he loved her and it was more than just a crush. She was the first one he disliked and now she was the one to redeem him, to save him, to help him, to give him hope.

They fell asleep together totally oblivious to the rain that started to pour outside.


End file.
